MY WORLD 1

My mask 

I really don't know what to do with myself. I think I can become a thousand things. But when I think I have that thing that I really want or what I want to be. It just disappears. I don't know why but I feel internally that I can't achieve my personal goals. I've been living a lifetime, I've been trying to make my family proud of me for almost fifteen years. Proud of all the fears that I have overcome, of all that I have achieved. But I feel that I am a fraud. That the person they want me to be is very different from the one I want to be. Not that I have a planned life, much less. But I feel that my life is a lie. The life I lead or the one I try to show the world through the mask I always wear is false. I appear to be the coldest person in the world, the person who has no feelings for others. While things really affect me. I have thousands of feelings that I don't want to show out of fear. And you will wonder. Afraid of what? I'm afraid that someone other than me knows what I really want. What I really think. If we put it that way, from my point of view. I really don't know what I want, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, or what I'm going to achieve. That simply depends on my decisions. And if I suddenly decide to break with the mask I am wearing. What happens? And if I finally decide to show myself as the way I am. Like the person who has feelings, who has fears, who has insecurities and thousands of imperfections. I hope that one day that time comes. The moment my inner self decides to leave. The moment I will show myself as I am. At that moment I will stop hiding in that mask that I appreciate so much.